The Wardrobe Code - Be Yourself

A Love Letter to Your Muffin Top

Pardon me for a moment while I brag shamelessly, but – I still can’t believe this is my job: wardrobe stylist.

Whenever I tell someone what I do (like, at a networking event), they always say, “ooooh, that sounds so fun!”

And, it is!

Just this week, I spent 3 hours with one of my favorite clients, carefully editing her wardrobe, making outfits, and planning what to buy next. We had a blast trying things on and tossing things out.

In these private sessions, women usually let down their guard and are totally honest with me – it’s hard to lie to someone while you’re standing in your underwear. But, what women say when they’re being honest and vulnerable with me is sometimes kind of heartbreaking.

Almost 100% of the time, a woman I’m working with will always apologize for her body.

(It’s here that I should note that I work with women in a pretty diverse range of sizes and ages – not all styling clients are size 2.)

And it’s rarely like, “Hey, these hips of mine are wider than I’d like –  but, whaddya gonna do, amirite?!”

No, it’s always like, “Ohmygod, this muffin top is ruining my life! If only this part of me was somehow slimmer, I would be soooo much happier.”

To be fair, if they’re working with me, they’re already part the way there when it comes to accepting their body. And, I don’t mean to mock them whatsoever – but sometimes it’s really dramatic, if not, completely defeated.

See what I mean? Heartbreaking.

And maybe women will never be totally satisfied with their bodies. But it’s the “coping” mentality that really saddens me. There’s an undertone of hopelessness, as if there will never-ever be true happiness or contentment with your physical form.

Which really does beg the question, is it possible to love your body without loving how it looks?

I’m not trying to convince you to “celebrate your curves.” In fact, that’s a worthless platitude I wish other style coaches would just stop saying, already (I seriously gag a little every time I read or hear it).

But I do wish you wouldn’t focus so much on your flaws – or, rather, your perceived flaws. Because, and this is me at my most honest, nobody cares.

There’s a big world out there, full of literally billions of people. All kinds of people. Men, women, children. Skinny people, fat people, skinny-fat people, people who are neither skinny nor fat. Rich people, poor people, people who don’t care about money. People who love fashion, and people who live in remote villages barely touched by civilization who literally have no concept of what fashion is.

And, you know what, no one cares about your muffin top. Except you.

So, when you look at me and act like this one part of your body is your biggest obstacle to happiness with your image, it’s intensely frustrating.

I don’t understand how you’re not able to see how amazing you look in those fitted pants – the way it lets your ankles peek out is sexy and flirty. Especially with those fierce shoes we picked out. And it’s incomprehensible how you can’t recognize your amazing beauty in the dress we chose for you – it shows off your womanly shape!

Believe it or not, your overall look has value because it looks unique.

No, I’m sorry, you don’t look like you did 10 years ago. But think of all the amazing life experience you’ve had since then! Can’t we just appreciate the women we’ve become?

So, ladies, this is how I see it: moving forward, your happiness with your image (or lack of) is a choice.

You can choose to continue to focus on your perceived imperfections, insisting that your body is somehow shameful and flawed. Or, you can allow yourself to detach from the emotions and habits that keep you perpetually frustrated with yourself.

For every flaw, you need to find something good.

I’ll start with myself. Here goes …

I have large pores, but I do have great bone structure in my face. I have an amazing Streisand-esque profile.

I have an impossibly lumpy ass, but I do have shapely legs. In fact, I’m almost 36 and I don’t plan on tossing out my mini-skirts anytime soon.

Back fat, I have back fat. But you know what else I have? Hot cleavage and a sexy neck and shoulders.

My hair is very fine, but when I have a good cut, it frames my face nicely.

All these things are me, for better or worse. And if I can’t find a way to love myself wholly, how will I ever allow myself to be loved at all?

FacebookTwitterGoogle+PinterestShare

A Chic Manual for Modern Life

madame chic

There’s a phrase I tend to hear a lot from women, and it goes like this: “I just want to look pulled together.” What women are describing here is what a lot people call having effortless style. Although I don’t believe style can ever be effortless, I do believe that a bit of preparation can […]

Continue reading...

[WCP] Ep 18 – Why Shopping for Value is the Wrong Way

We all love getting a deal, right? But, is it possible that, maybe – just, maybe – we’re a little too obsessed with getting the most value for our money when it comes to clothing? I say, yes. See, value shouldn’t be the main criteria for choosing your clothes. Yeah, I said it. If you’re […]

Continue reading...

[WCP] Ep 19 – Interview with Author Jennifer Scott on the 10-Item Wardrobe

10 item wardrobe

Let’s talk about our fashion neuroses. You know we have them – so we might as well get them all out on the table, yes? According to author Jennifer Scott, when it comes to wardrobe-building, we – as Americans – have it all wrong. And I could not agree more! The inspiration for her book, Lessons […]

Continue reading...

How Much Money Do You Need to Spend on Your Wardrobe

how much money

I’ll admit, it’s not a question I get often. I know women I talk to are often afraid to ask. Maybe they’re afraid to ask because the answer might be something they’re uncomfortable with. Perhaps there’s some rejection in hearing a monetary figure that’s higher than what you expected. I’m just speculating based on my […]

Continue reading...

Get Ahead of Fall and Learn to Curate a Seasonal Capsule Wardrobe with What’s Already in Your Closet

via IFTTT

Continue reading...

Get Ahead of Fall and Learn to Curate a Seasonal Capsule Wardrobe with What’s Already in Your Closet

via IFTTT

Continue reading...

Fall capsule wardrobe

Fall capsule wardrobe by nicole-longstreath on Polyvore.com from Polyvore – nicole-longstreath http://ift.tt/1sbLG3I via IFTTT

Continue reading...

Do you have an unhealthy EMOTIONAL attachment to clothing? Find out by watching this!

via IFTTT

Continue reading...

[WCP] Ep 17 – Unrealistic Expectations About Shopping and Building a Wardrobe

Sometimes, in the course of a friendship, it’s necessary to administer some tough love. You do, after all, care for one another. And good, long-lasting relationships aren’t just about happy times. No – real relationships are all about the ups and downs. So, today, it’s time we had a frank talk about your unrealistic expectations […]

Continue reading...